You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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