You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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