The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
