Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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