I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize