Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
