just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
