You work out of a Hotel?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
