Do you still have your period?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize