Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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