You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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