Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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