: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
