It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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