I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
