my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
