I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
