You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
