If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize