my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
