so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
