Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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