i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
