So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
