I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
