Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
