Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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