I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
