I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
