Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
