I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
