that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
