you guys were way drunker than both of me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
