i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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