he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
