I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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