Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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