i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
