he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
