real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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