so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
