There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
