We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
