real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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