hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
