I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
