I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
