Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
