Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
