Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
