Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
