I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
