Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
