I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
