hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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