Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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