some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
