Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
