i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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