One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have aggressive nipples.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
