Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
