It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
