Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
