Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Pooping to opera.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
