I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I understand Curling. That high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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