booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
