I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
