I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
