So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
