I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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