I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
