So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
