After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
