All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize