Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize