1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
