Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
