GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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