if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
