Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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